The Alleged Woman: A True Tale of Ballot Intrigue!
Joe Taylor
Publication April 1st!



 
Binding

Preorder Now!

106 pages

ISBN: 978-1-60489-284-0, Trade Paper, $17.95

 
 


 

 

Synopsis:

Will the Cheating Never End?

Breaking News! Biden Ballots! FBI finds nearly seven million Joe Biden ballots in Alabama woman's car trunk! Sumter County, Alabama: After answering a routine mid-morning request to repair a flat tire, Alabama FBI agents found the trunk of a Sumter County woman's black Nissan Altima filled with ballots listing Joe Biden for President. In the Altima's glove compartment,.the agents also found eleven books of first-class stamps depicting Elvis. "We speculate she was planning on mailing these to the local voting station. Had she been able to do so, all of Alabama's electoral votes would have gone to the Biden campaign. We can just thank alert agents who acted quickly on finding the nearly seven million ballots," a federal law enforcement official who wished to remain anonymous commented.

And that’s only the start! Soon, New York lawyer

Rudy Gullibilliani travels to Sumter County, Alabama,

in an effort to rectify if not clarify matters.

As Mr. Gullibilliani states, “I know criminals very

well. That’s why I’m here.”

Excerpt from Book:

Breaking News!
FBI Finds Nearly Seven Million Biden Ballots in Alabama Woman’s Car! Sumter County, Alabama: Upon responding to a routine mid-morning request to repair a flat tire, Alabama FBI agents found the trunk of a Sumter County woman’s black Nissan Altima filled with ballots listing Joe Biden for President. Agents also found eleven books of first-class Elvis stamps in the Altima’s glove compartment. “We speculate she was planning on mailing these to the local voting station. Had she been able to do so, all of Alabama’s electoral votes would have gone to the Biden campaign. We can just thank alert agents who acted quickly on finding the nearly seven million ballots,” a federal law enforcement official who wished to remain anonymous commented.

Update!
Alleged Woman! The alleged woman who, according to a local poll supervisor, had over seven million Biden ballots in the trunk of her car is now being held on Suspicion. The alleged woman whose black Nissan Altima contained well over seven million illegal Presidential ballots for Joe Biden and ten books of first-class stamps is now being held in Sumter County Jail on a charge of Suspicion.

Breaking News!
FBI Questions Poll Supervisor’s Numbers! Southwest Alabama Field Agent Sam Strong questioned the numbers released by Poll Supervisor Eve Adams yesterday. “We counted eleven booklets of stamps. And just a bit under seven million ballots. I want to keep the exact number under wraps for security reasons. And I hereby emphasize that the first thing all agents go through is a month-long course in counting. This course, The Hoover Number Assessment Protocol, was instigated by Mr. J. Edgar Hoover himself, and it involves instant amount appraisal and employs memory devices for numbers, be they Arab, Roman, or otherwise.” When asked if the memory devices might involve fingers and toes, Field Agent Strong replied that the methodology was classified information. “You do know that Sumter County is among the poorest in the nation, so a single one of those stamp booklets would make a very attractive catch,” he added. When then asked why the polling agents might exaggerate the ballot count, Agent Strong answered, “Those folk down there are attention-hungry. They think any attention will land them jobs and money. Maybe a new needle manufacturing plant. Maybe a new plastic garbage can manufacturer. I don’t know, maybe a way to recycle cat litter. Jobs, jobs, jobs. That’s all they’re interested in. I need to add here that my supervisors in Birmingham and Atlanta and even Washington are considering an FBI recount of both those stamp booklets and those ballots.”

In related news, the alleged woman, whose name is still being withheld pending notification of some people, broke her silence and admitted, “I used one of those stamps to pay the gas bill. Please tell Joe I’m sorry.” When asked if she meant the alleged President-elect, the woman refused to answer. When asked how many booklets were in her glove compartment, the alleged woman said, “I’ve never been good at numbers.” The alleged woman’s bail has been set at $143. It’s uncertain whether she will meet that bail.

In news elsewhere, the governor of Alabama has fired Alabama’s Secretary of Defense. Livingston Mayor Babette “Babes” Babcock could not be reached for comment, but Poll Supervisor Eve Adams said, “This is very troubling. Sumter County’s eastern (sic) boundary borders on Lauderdale County and Meridian, Mississippi. Those folk have always been jealous of our resources. I just don’t know what might happen without a good Secretary of Defense.”


Update!
Ballot Count Confirmed! Sumter County voting supervisor Eve Adams has confirmed that over seven million ballots were found in a black Nissan Altima. “Soon as we saw that hunk of ballots the FBI dropped off, we knew there was more than seven million,” Ms. Adams stated. “Our first count came to seven million and one.

With a number that large, you just got to count twice, so we did and come up with seven million and three. Frankly, my four poll volunteers are as old as them candidates up there in Washington, so I got some young blood in and they confirmed seven million and two, two separate times. I’m confident of that number. A number of fake ballots like that would have been a slap in the face to Sumter County and to all of Alabama.”

When asked about the eleven books of stamps found in the Nissan’s glove compartment, Ms. Adams replied, “I don’t know where the FBI got that eleven number. We counted only ten.”

When asked about the alleged relationship between the alleged woman who had the alleged ballots in her Nissan’s alleged trunk and her alleged mother who worked at the alleged Livingston post office, Ms. Adams replied, “I feel heavy tulips for her. I’m a mother myself. I got two children in grade school and one starting high. You just hate to see one of your own in trouble. Listen here, I don’t got time for fiddle-faddle questions. I need to get to work.” Ms. Adams reportedly held her palm in a young, polite reporter’s face to end the interview.

In related news, the Nissan owner’s identity is still being withheld pending notification of some people. She is being held under Suspicion, and her bail has not been set, despite a prior report. The FBI is investigating the alleged mother of the alleged woman, who allegedly recently retired from the local post office in Livingston. Not the alleged woman, just to clarify, but the alleged woman’s alleged mother—she allegedly retired from the Livingston post office.